I haven't really been posting much past couple of days because each day is just another 24 hours i feel like ive been throwing away.The only time i feel like everything is normal is when i step upon the pitch, where the wind seems to flow just right, the only thing im thinking about is the game. If someone like Megan fox comes streaking across the field naked my primary concern is the game. There really is nothing better then the soothing touch of your passion massaging your body and mind. This for me is soccer.
But that really is sometimes the only good part of my day. She told me to stop talking about her in my blog so i guess ill abide maybe that one rule. Hopefully she didn't read any of this, knowing that alot of people would think of me as some sort of pansy. But thats just how it is they'll see things i guess. Which i tdon;t let bother me, but its not easy knowing someone out there is going to be thinking something negative of you. Thats life also and i guess we have to learn to get over that as a society sometimes. I feel like im not making any progress. It feels like every step im taking forward im being pushed backward. i know what i want to do and that is to accel. i really can't find the answer but i know that it relies heavily on me.
I also feel like im not good enough for some people. I mean there so above me in so many ways i dont think i can really match up to them. I can't find that courage and confidence i once had and its really bothering me more that it did last week. I really need that surge of stupid confidence back. Self neglect starts with that loss of confidence, but im far from the start, im near the middle of that rut and im trying to paddle my way out of this dry lake. I really kinda dont feel like doing anything so im just going to go fall asleep or something.
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