Another bullshit halloween. I should of kicked it with Kevin because all the other shit i went to was pointless and boring. Just woke up like half an hour ago. All we did was walkright and do bullshit. id probably have more fun sitting at home working out or something. I dont know i cant really think straight right now. I have a game at one and hopefulyl my dad found the actual game cards so we could play.
I know for a fact that i have lost all confidence in myself, because i dont really believe in anything. At this moment in time my life seems like an endless stairway that wont let me get to the top. I feel myself floating away from my friends and back to square. The people who actually knew me for what i was won't do anything about what im going through partly because it's me, im the "asshole who doesn't a shit about most peoples thing" and there not used to seeing my true essence out in the open, so i just continue to put it all to the side and lie to everyone. There really is no reason for me to lie, but i don't really know what else to do. Mainly i just feel like an idiot because i cant find an answer to why im hiding so much from you, and myself.
Im tired of feeling alone when im not, and im tired of having bullshit days when i should be having fun. My passion and my emotions for someone should be the only times of the day where i feel like im normal again. This world and body im confined within doesn't fit my needs. My name doesn't describe who i truly am, and my intentions in life. Our world is all fake including myself and the only way to escape this world is through self realization or death. I want to take the easier route and end it, but that wont do any good. I have common sense. I have to pick up where started falling. But i can't do it alone this time.
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