another boring Rant

I hate that fact that i cant accomplish what i want. I want to become a better soccer player, i want to be that better person. every step i take, my goal seems that much farther away. My grades arent the best right now and im having a hard time with everything thats been happening. Today was nother horrible day. I woke up and shoveled the hot oatmeal into my mouth. The sugar and butter glided past my throat and too my stomach. I sat in my disgusting car and foundmyself outside in the cold filling up the tires with air. school was just another motion i went through to get by without thoughts of you. thats not what it should be. school is my job and i am paid with grades. Your getting in the way of my thoughts just as much as i am getting in the way of me. I guess just family problems have been getting to me. i hate ranting and this is pretty much another boring bullshit of a blog. I cant find words to describe my emotions because there all mixed. Im happy to find that maybe someone beautiful likes me. I am angered with the fact that i still care for someone myself. I'm furious because life is just the way it is. The reality is im just another spec in the little knowledge we have of the world outside of earth. Im literally nothing, thats what everything should mean to me nothing. I'm typing without a cause and im loving without one too. This whole entry is just a scavenger hunt of my emotions of feelings. Thinking about it, i guess im still hurt. i need to clear my mind to succeed and i may need someones help. I don't want to be a failure anymore. I'll slowly make my way back up. Even if your still that burden on myshoulders. i wont drop you. I'll carry you because other than succeeding, i know how i feel about you.