Proof of Existence

Full of energy, excitement, i feel like proclaiming my joy to the world. Why so? What brings forth such animation in my feelings and thoughts. Well. Really there is many things 


It started as soon as break started. My grades didn't turn out as i wanted, or how i worked, So i went into thinking. I understand my faults and i want to continue on my ultimate goal. Because in the end school is just a stepping stone that will set me up so i can get a job that pays well and won;'t be boring for the rest of my life. 


The realization of the feelings of others. The actuality of what is going on, that correct answer to what is being felt. I didn't really get my answer yet i got it. " I accept that you don't like me, But i don't accept the pain" is what i said to her. I finally understand my mistakes and what i must to build off that, and move away from the very person who will continuously ignore me. I really do accept the the "fate" or our ending. It seems i don't get that famous disney ending, but maybe something better. And that better is something ill build off of after correcting the final thoughts on this certain matter.


Basically I really will do what it takes, and it seems a lot easier then before, to get rid of this sort of curse on my heart. I finally understand, and can wield my knowledge and release it upon the real world. At last i have suceeded in something other than chores.


I met someone new :) . A friend of sorts, a good friend indeed. It hasnt been long since we met, but she just fits right in, like kind of a " too good" in like we have all know her for a long time. We click, like how i constantly click on the mechanical pencils while taking a test, and the eraser is sort of chaffing from the constant clicking of the pencil, until i realize what is before me and stare up at what has been given to me in awe and wonder. How could i feel like this? towards someone i barely know? Am i awake? i have to be, my cat is still biting my leg. Goosbumps, slight tickling in my stomach, why now? why?


What has come upon me, this new friend is my friend? Truly amazing, could fate have brough us together? I don't fully beleive in fate, but in a way i'm certain we were suppose to meet, certain that you would help ease the pain unknowingly on my side, and maybe i would help ease yours. It's crazy, thoughts, proof of thoughts.



"LIFE is my PAINTING. i am the artist. i am the color. i am the lines. i shape every moment. yes i have help along the way, people can help me create an idea, but i choose with lines to draw, which color to fill. people judge the PAINTING im creating. they think its not good enough or i dont have the will to finish it. yes there are days where i think i cant go on, but im determined to finish my PAINTING how i see fit. ill make mistakes and wish i can erase, but thats not the joy of LIFE...of my PAINTING. in LIFE you cant erase, so why would you on a PAINTING? mistakes are the things you learn from and grow from, everyone makes them. some are harder on themselves about their mistakes and constantly think less of their PAINTING. i enjoy the mistakes ive made. i dont wish to erase, cause if i erased those mistakes i wouldnt be the person i am today, the strong willed person that gets me through the tough times, the wise person who knows right from wrong, the person who stands with their feet ever so firmly on the ground. everyone has their own PAINTINGS. a PAINTING is a story, how you wish to see things or to experience things or finish or make a goal. a PAINTING is the artists eyes on paper, the way they see the world. LIFE is a PAINTING, draw and color how you see fit. im creating my PAINTING. and no matter what anyone says, my PAINTING...my LIFE is a masterpiece. its my masterpiece." --Kailine


Pure, utterly words spewed from the confines of another person, This is the proof of existince, the proof that someone out there thinks, breathes and talks of pure emotion, with thought. Words from the Heart that i still try to write myself, i analyze i overthink, i tihnk to much, but i still think. That is the basis of it all, Raw thought. Katie brings raw heart with thought to the table, completing my own thoughts. IT's crazy. like i said this click is out of control. I can't put a word on what i feel right now, I guess im sad because her stay is short, But overyjoyed with just the slight thought of someone who can relate to me. My christmas came true, even if she goes home, and forgets about me. At least i know, at some point in time, someone was able to fully relate to me, Infact i dont want to lose that.


Everything good is happening so fast its amazing. I stop looking and it starts happening. Incredible, its outstanding i cant exlpain what i truly feel right now. This is true inner beauty, i think maybe i truly have found it for the time being, but ill keep my gaurd up just in case. Yet i feel like i can let it down, just this once.




Its utterly amazing, I feel like i can't get all my thoughts down, because im just so overwhelmed. So ill end it like this.



A worm is a worm because it rejected the human form, the form we are known to be in, What are different forms of humans? they cant be classified as humanoids? maybe there not human at all? To exist one must coexist with others, and with this coexistence there is often problems, through problems we learn or we don't. We form natural boundries from where we speak of us truly, and speak of lies, We tell lies to make things easier. I tell the truth so the truth can be said, I realise that to keep the car going u cant run out of gas and u cant crash. If you crash u can get your car rebuilt. Life is like a car, we need to be refuueled taken care of, if we crash we have to get back up to survive. All things made by human hands can be used as an analogy to humans themselves. Live can be a like a blender, constontly choping the facts and truth, or a microwave heating up the situations and serving them up too hot. Maybe a freezer? cold dull, boring. All possibilities. And to continue on with life, i will continue to choose my own paths, maybe if im lucky YOU!, will choose the cabinets with me, so we can open up to each other and share our own thoughts and ideals. Or maybe you will choose the pencil with me, so we can continue writing our story together.


Its corny but its true
The choice is yours.
This is the Proof of Existence... free will, feelings, emotions, spontanious arrival of new people, the arrival of an "old friend".. living life itself