jumbled

I don't really know. I've been really happy actually. I just feel like i need to touch the ball a bit more, maybe go for a jog like around 7 or 8 cuz ive been waking up at 10 to do it.
I feel lazy but thats really what break is for, But i can't be lazy if i want to make that gold team. Like i said i've been really happy, just letting go of the all the hate that i had towards someone who probably wouldnt acknowledge me. Pathetic on my part, but im glad i realize now what my mistake was, so i don't continue to follow the human condition to some extent, Essentially i think that we ourselves, are just animals. Well that is basically what we are, but we throw away our natural instincts for what we perceive as "law and order". In many ways this is bad, considering that a lot of our actions are based of emotions that people (especially myself) tend to hide. Because of our emotion based actions it's good that people can control themselves in some shape or form.

For some reason i still continue to hide those emotions? Why? Is it because that I'm just so use to not telling anyone anything?

The low humm of the dishwasher was sort of calming. Actually it was very calming. I sunk into the off purple couch, and found myself in a midsleep sort of state. I could hear everything that was going on the talking, the scrubbing of the kitchen floor, my friends hard asthmatic breathing. I literally faded into the couch, i took in all the sounds, thuoghts jumpling around my head, and formed an image of myself. Rather i formed images of myself. What i use to be, what i could be, what I dream to be, What i want to be, the worst in me, the good in me, myself in others eyes, myself in your eyes, myself in the mirror, myself with friends, myself with family. In five minutes of just sitting on a couch, i compiled a set of images. Images of what i may be me. I dont know what to do with those images, but i feel like knowing what i can or can't be limits/ sets a bar for me to break. Seeing possibilities kind of gives me a boost of self worth or value.

I really can't think right now. I'm dead tired from all the hanging out and workout stuff. maybe ill pick up on my thoughts in the morning