awake... but dead

I'm awake now. I dreamt of war. A self made war.

The bombs dropped and i continued to run with my friends. We jumped and scurried along the cold soft earth as endless rain continued to clean us of our wrongdoings. Boom and explosion, i was sent flying , no feeling. Am i dead? Maybe it would be better if i was, no more pain. No worries. I look up the bombs are still flying...am i in hell? the rain continues to pour and it slaps me in the face as if to wake me up. I sat up in the trench and found a splinter in my knee. wood or metal the splinter in my knee was giving me un imaginble pain, yet... i got up stumbling forward after the prize. The prize of the secret cave of airplanes. The prize of coming home and being able to hold my family close. The grand prize of being able to see you one more time. I kept on tumbling staggering up the steep incline with the agnozing pain in me knee messing with my vision. The green on the trees seemed to be withering away in the silence of bombs dropping and led pumping. My vision blurred and i found myself awake in a cave. I'm alive. U.S. airplanes came swooping by killing off remainding enemy soldires. I look over the battlefield and i saw what should not be seen. Thousands upon thousands of dreams, hopes. Lay dormant.. no.... gone while lying in any way. Face up face down, no head, half a head, blood everyywhere, in the river, completely oblitered in blasts. thoughts and ideas that come before death sought refuge and took shelter within me. In that second a mere second of looking out there. I cried, i threw up blood, i was going to live, but i threw up blood for my comrades. My friends, my enemies who died in this war. We found a working plane and i passed out while hoppping onboard. I awoke with the splinter still in my knee, we made it back to our headqaurters. Just then, i saw more recruits coming along. My very friends from benicia. I YELLED SCREAMED, NO. They looked at me like i was crazy, i was still vomiting a bit of blodd. I lost...


all a dream..

Internally this is what is going on inside me. this is both a dream and my feelings right now.

Except only the people reading this would know that.