I felt the cold air brush across my neck as i shifted sleeping positions in the bed. I could heard the few cars from the long parties passing by the house. Although it was warm, i felt like i was outside. Cold, by myself again, i stepped outside into the pitch black. I stepped out of 09 and into 10. I looked below me and the cement gave way to utter darkness. I was falling again. Falling into the unknown looking for a familiar branch or stone that i could latch and hold on to. I' was weak in that way, scared of change, always read to turn back and latch on too a familiar face. The air grew colder as i approached a sudden light. The floor reappeared and i caught my fall. In front of me was myself, and the younger version of me. I turned away from myself. And saw darkness again. I chose the darkness and continued to fall. THe wind grew colder and i couldnt feel my body, i was completely numb. I hit the floor, or what seemed to be the ground. And from the black a light came through again. This time it was power. Power in the form of a human. But it wasn't me. It was the embodiment of everyone i considered powerful, strong. Coach Rory, My grandparents, my father, my cousin Jerel. I turned around to look into a mirror and i saw myself. I saw myself for what i perceive myself to be, weak, scared,fragile, nothing that has to do with power. I turned around once more to see a new foot appear before me. The foot came out of the light as a leg, then two legs. Then hips came out followed by a torso. It was obviously a women. "But who?" thought to myself. She was obviously a women. The face came out and i couldnt speak. I was choking myself, my hand was over mouth and nose but i couldnt stop, i was grabbing for the air then when she stepped forward and effortlesly released my hand from my face. She grabbed the other and picked me up. The light was still blocking her face. Rory, my grandparents, my father and Jerel. Alongside this mysterious woman lifted me up and started carrying me towards the burning light. My skin was peeling off and i could see every muscle strand on my bones. Its peeled away like a bannana peel and then i saw m organs. They fell to the ground, and all that was left of my body was my skeleton. They took knives, hammers, grinders and started reshaping my body.. giving me a new foundation. They gave me new organs.. a heart. stronger muscles. my skin was more resistant, but yet i still couldn't see her face. I began to cry. Out of weakness, out of the power i won't have, the power i couldnt obtain by myself. The strength i had recieved from others was my only source of light. When i gave up i started falling into the darkness again. They lifted my up once more and threw me onto a pedestal where i was to be lifted up out of the dark hole. I felt a shock in my spine and the pedestal was being thrusted upwards. I looked back into the darkness with the sharp light, and the light stayed strong. But as i went up i could see it anymore, I took one more hard look to see beautiful blueish green eyes looking up at me. the light was dimmed so i could finally see her face. she stepped back into the light along with all my other role models. i felt a tear whisk by my eye,because i havent done anything in return. I could feel the tear racing down my cheek and when i hit the opening of the hole. The hole was moved facing towards the door to gregs house. I was shot through the magically the open door into the couch.
I woke up. I fell asleep again at gregs house after new years. After feeling the warmth of someone else with me. I got up and touched my face. The tear was there still racing down my cheek. Im not weak for having a tear. Im weak for giving up, all the people in my dream had strength and power. They showed me in there own form that i can be as strong as i want. I went to the bathroom and looked long and hard in the mirror. I already know my new years resolutions i dont need to repeat them. But i can't give up. I closed my eyes, and saw the eyes in my dream. I realized it was Katie and i felt another unconscious tear coming. I wasn't sad or mad. It just came out. Of no where. Greg saw it a couple of times too. This time i wiped it with my hand instead of my sleeve. I felt like for some reason if touched the tear it would soak into my skin and stay there. and not come back out. But it did. How could someone so new, mean so much. Already be my hero.
I dont know. Life is mysterious like that. I still don't know where those tears came from. But i'll accept them and with the help the people who have taught me the meaning of true power. I will learn and become stronger this year. Achieve. And Next time. Ill stare back into her eyes, with the support that i want to give, because i truly care. Ill put all of them on a pedistal and push them up when they need it. Im going to hold her hand and keep her from walking slanted. Digestion of the thoughts running through my veins is still hard. I dont want you to leave. I really don't. But thats me being selfish. Every step you take. Im still holding on to your hip pushing your hip back so you dont walk into the middle of the street. Because you sort of saved me from myself, and i want to stay with you.
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