To long,

Another day passes by, old memories flood my bedroom door like sunlight that pierces your blinds on sunday morning. Then they fade away as the moon hides itself behind dark looming clouds. Releasing my mind into the depths of the world and delving farther than i have ever thought. All these thoughts, as i space out, run through my head. And i can't help it. My mind races off, wondering, asking questions that don't contain a what if, but rather just if. I can't remember the last time i really posted something meaningful on here, i just havent taken the time to really  write without worry.

As we grow older, as each year, day, hour, minute, second passes by, We lose something. It doesnt matter what it is, a loved on, a cell, a phone, a pencil. We lose something... yet at the same time we gain. we obtain what we don't want, when we don't need it. To me there are things that i don't want to lose... and you are one of them. the actual one reading this, taking time to unwind and tie my thoughts up into your own comprehension. I don't want to lose my morals, and my ability to see between right and wrong. I don't want to lose my love for whats important. And i don't want to lose my bunny.... But no matter how much people criticize, or tell me im wrong for picking this one. I truly don't care. I am happy, and nobody is going to take that away from me. I know one day there will be an end, im well aware of that. Im only 17. But, for every loss there is a gain, and with that loss i gain the memories that have been bestowed upon me. There are things that you have done, that i can't and won't forget. No matter how you go about life, and even if im forgotten i can't forget the little things.

Pure thought, just the ability to think, means that there is something more to existing, whether god made us, or in lamens terms were made of stardust, this ability to think is what drives me , to be me. and at the best level i can be, i want to be better. so much to think about, and i have a lifetime to spread it out over..

Hopefully, you'll be my good friend in years to come. As annoying as i can be.. There s something in you that i can't pick and place, something i cant find in another person. And i don't want to lose that. I want to be able to go each day knowing that what i've obtained won't leave me... and im comfortable to say that in the time being it will be here. Your ability to keep going fascinates me, whther u think im silly or not. I want to be like you in that way. I want to be strong

I'm for a reason, and for that reason i don't know... this is just a light touch on a subject i want to pick up on later. Just know bunny... that wherever you go.. your always thought of highly on my end. Home is where your thought of most.... theres always room for you right here.

Lost my track, making my way back

Simply stated above.

Back once again rendering my thoughts vulnerable to the public because i don't know what else to do with them. A lot has been on my mind the past couple of days. Am i ok? no i'm not, i truly am not. But who else is there to blame. None other then myself.


I'm fading in and out of the thin line
Balancing all my sins and i can't deny
My first mistake don't be shy
Second mistake i have to be nice
Third  i let it get to my head
Fourth i kept thinking i was ahead
Five i lost site of the line
So i stepped off and now im falling behind
As you walk along floating further
I reach for your hand and i don't hear a murmur
A glare , a death stare
Shall i attempt to go further
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I am  to venture i want it all the same
Catch myself on the same line
I hope i can be strong enough in time
So once again i start off at home base
Different time same place.
Rejoicful if i can find your hand
Time to atone and time to plan
One more chance to be your man...

Something is missing

I have this deep Prickling pain in the pit of my stomach, and i feel it slithering it's slimy body up my esophogaus. I can't find whats missing, i know something is i just can't find it.

easy as 1 2 3

The only truth is the assumption that is beleived.
Hard times are just another way to prove your existence.
Real friends and emotions can come from the wierdest of places
212
It's the little things
Everyone has drama, but how you react determines how big it is
You will die one day
Paying some type of bill is in the forseeable future
loving every minute of my bunny
= all of that for free 99.

Waiting for my return home, priceless.




"I'm taking control of my life, what the fuck have you done?"- Gibson

Beleive

I refuse to be another lesson learned. I guess in a sense i knew what would happen from the beggining. And yet i stayed, because thats what i knew i wanted. I waited months for your return because I knew that's what was RIGHT.

I woke up with beads of sweat streaming down the right side of my face. The cool night air tumbled in through my open window and smashed its unforgiving breeze into my face. I was beyond freezing. I sprang from my bed to close the window, due to my clumsiness i tripped over my covers and i crashed into the floor. I looked down to see the light brown colored dog, with the white chest and a silly little rose sticking out of it's mouth. Thing saved my life, because there was a pair of scissors right under it ( i should clean my room). i got up and finally closed my window i noticed that the tropical ginger body mist was still outside where i threw it. I turned around to look in my cheap mirror and noticed i was unconsciously gripping the remaining two wooden beads in my hand. I shook my head and stepped forward.  There was a piercing pain that went all the way through my body to my heart. I threw up my foot to see a thumb tack. i turned the lights on and noticed a sort of frail piece of blond hair wrapped around. i Quickly new who's it was and i proceeded to throw it away. But instead i put it in my purple pouch with my broken wooden bracelet beads. I laid back down to the blue clock blinking 2:20 AM. Still gripping my bracelet i fell asleep.


Don't ever say that nobody out here isn't trying to reach out to you. OR everyone hates you. Because your forgetting the forgettables
I am becoming just a memory again, because u refuse to accept or just don't want to accept that the one of the few people who would get on his hands and knees to help, bow down to wrong and take it up the ass.

IS the same person who would listen to your every word. Cut an ugly line in his eye brow because you said it was cute. let you rip his chest open whether u actually could or not.


 Beleive me when i say, i love my bunny.
But take to heart when i say that we miss you. that i miss you.

I miss

I miss those late night trips back from martinez, the familiar reflecting dots on the rode, and the long stretch that stemmed from your house. Just the trips themselves, i felt at ease, as i drove the swagger waggon with the windows down, and my dad asleep in the passenger seat. The wind whisking away any imperfections and tossing them out the window. I miss being able to wake up as a kid and realizing that i have tons of time before i became older and had real responsibilities.

It's time to count my blessings. and i'll start with you. Because without you, i would have been stuck in my little pity party, i wouldnt have come to realize so much. i wouldn't have found her.

Thank you.

I'll be back. Just maybe a little bit more grown up.

Use to it.

And so ends another day full of dtrama. Seems like no matter what i say i'll indirectly mess things up.

I guess what they say has some truth, i better just get over it all, especially if there taken. But i also haven't done anytihng to apologize for. It's pathetic really. So i'll just end it by staying out of their lives, in a way. So i'm going to hit the waves again, this time not searching but just riding the waves. When i stopped searching i found something. An oyster with a pearl.

 So i guess really without saying to much, is i found it. And its gone. But it's still here.
I'll take the time to stitch up my cuts. Then i'll make sure everyone else is ok. I'll stay away from the pearl as long as the oyster needs, and as long as i need.
Maybe the oyster will leave, maybe it will stay. Chances are that i may never get it back. So i'll continue surfing

Surfing.

I guess i was expecting an i love you.

But what good would life be if u got everything u expected. I'm going to return stronge, or at least try.


I'm use to riding alone. So this will be no different

Who knows maybe the surf will bring it back, maybe i'll finally get that big wave, Maybe i can finally return home.