my first real conversation

kailinjanelle (5:59:21 PM): to let go doesnt mean to stop caring

kailinjanelle (5:59:35 PM): it means i cant do it for someone else

kailinjanelle (5:59:49 PM): to let go is to not cut myself off

kailinjanelle (6:00:08 PM): its the realization that i can not control another

kailinjanelle (6:00:19 PM): to let go is not to enable

kailinjanelle (6:00:40 PM): but to allow learning form natural consequences

kailinjanelle (6:00:55 PM): to let go is to admit powerlessness

kailinjanelle (6:01:06 PM): which means the outcome is not in my hands

kailinjanelle (6:01:26 PM): to let go is to not try to change or blame another

kailinjanelle (6:01:39 PM): i can only change myself

kailinjanelle (6:01:56 PM): to let go is to not care for but to care baout

kailinjanelle (6:01:59 PM): about*

kailinjanelle (6:02:18 PM): to let go is to not fix but be supportive

kailinjanelle (6:02:28 PM): to let go is to not judge

taieee (6:02:38 PM): Do you remember what i told Brian

kailinjanelle (6:02:47 PM): but to allow another to be a human being

kailinjanelle (6:02:51 PM): let me finish

kailinjanelle (6:03:21 PM): to let go is to not be in the middle arranging the outcomes

kailinjanelle (6:03:39 PM): but to allow others to affect their own outcomes

kailinjanelle (6:03:53 PM): to let go is to not be protective

kailinjanelle (6:04:13 PM): it is to permit another to face reality

kailinjanelle (6:04:24 PM): to let go is to not deny but to accept

kailinjanelle (6:04:37 PM): to let go is to not nag scold or argue

kailinjanelle (6:04:54 PM): but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them

kailinjanelle (6:05:10 PM): to let go is to not adjust everything to me desires

kailinjanelle (6:05:22 PM): but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment

kailinjanelle (6:05:37 PM): to let go is to not critize or regulate everyone

kailinjanelle (6:05:50 PM): but to try to become what i dream i can be

kailinjanelle (6:06:05 PM): to let go is to not regret the past

kailinjanelle (6:06:17 PM): but to grow and live for the future

kailinjanelle (6:06:30 PM): to let go is to fear less and love more

kailinjanelle (6:06:32 PM): ...

kailinjanelle (6:06:35 PM): now im done

taieee (6:06:43 PM): I understand

taieee (6:07:01 PM): "I read every line twice

kailinjanelle (6:07:15 PM): if you did, you wouldnt feel the need to explain the wrong she has done

taieee (6:07:25 PM): no i understand

taieee (6:07:36 PM): But you see katie

taieee (6:07:45 PM): and im going to sound dumb.

taieee (6:07:51 PM): wtf am i doing

taieee (6:07:55 PM): your right

kailinjanelle (6:08:04 PM): no tell me

kailinjanelle (6:08:08 PM): what were you going to say

kailinjanelle (6:08:12 PM): finish your thought

taieee (6:08:18 PM): I'm stubborn too.

kailinjanelle (6:08:34 PM): everyone is

taieee (6:08:37 PM): And i don't finish things on anyone elses terms unless i have to

taieee (6:09:02 PM): no one is going to tell me what i have to do, because im going to do this my way

taieee (6:09:16 PM): I dont care if in the end she doesnt see a damn thing

taieee (6:09:25 PM): I want to hear myself say it and mean it

taieee (6:09:29 PM): and when i do tha

taieee (6:09:35 PM): I know im breaking away

taieee (6:09:47 PM): what i miss the most is the fact that we were such good friends

taieee (6:10:01 PM): but i see that thats not going to work

taieee (6:10:05 PM): and its never going to be the same

taieee (6:10:12 PM): as much as she hurt me

taieee (6:10:17 PM): there is beauty in the world

taieee (6:10:22 PM): and it comes when u least expect it

taieee (6:10:36 PM): comes when ur on the firled and the ball smacks u in the face

taieee (6:10:51 PM): when your walking and an old lady tells u to cheer up

taieee (6:11:02 PM): when your working out and yuor friends tell you to lift more

taieee (6:11:19 PM): when you go toyour friends house and their constantly reminding you to get up and move

taieee (6:11:33 PM): when you find yourself going places because u dont what the hell is going on

taieee (6:11:49 PM): when you go to a sausage fest because yuor alone

taieee (6:11:59 PM): and then theres you

taieee (6:12:06 PM): im going to tell her because i need to

taieee (6:12:10 PM): Not because its logical

kailinjanelle (6:12:20 PM): your explaining something to someone who sees the beauty

taieee (6:12:28 PM): then fuck me

taieee (6:12:31 PM): no literally

taieee (6:12:34 PM): not*

kailinjanelle (6:12:46 PM): "then theres me"? what does that mean

taieee (6:13:03 PM): I didn't purposely go to gregs house to meet you

taieee (6:13:07 PM): infact i didnt care at all.

taieee (6:13:11 PM): but i went

taieee (6:13:31 PM): and where i least expected it i found someone greater than beauty

kailinjanelle (6:13:52 PM): you didnt find me...you found you

kailinjanelle (6:14:09 PM): because you werent looking for you

kailinjanelle (6:14:18 PM): i know it doesnt make sense

kailinjanelle (6:14:32 PM): but its not about me

kailinjanelle (6:14:34 PM): tai

kailinjanelle (6:14:37 PM): its about you

kailinjanelle (6:14:44 PM): you gave up

kailinjanelle (6:14:48 PM): you stopped searching

kailinjanelle (6:15:03 PM): and when you stopped searching you found the answer

kailinjanelle (6:15:13 PM): the answer wasnt me

kailinjanelle (6:15:16 PM): or anybody else

kailinjanelle (6:15:29 PM): you had the answer all along, you just werent looking for it.

taieee (6:15:52 PM): then what are you saying about yourself

kailinjanelle (6:16:08 PM): you pushed me

kailinjanelle (6:16:15 PM): to want to look for myself

taieee (6:16:34 PM): how

kailinjanelle (6:16:34 PM): with your HELP i found me

kailinjanelle (6:17:34 PM): you wanted to search for yourself but you didnt know where to start, so i believed that if i looked for me, you would soon find you and your strenght

kailinjanelle (6:17:38 PM): and look what happen

kailinjanelle (6:17:40 PM): you did

taieee (6:18:27 PM): Your right.

taieee (6:18:48 PM): But your wrong

taieee (6:18:54 PM): I knew where to start

taieee (6:18:59 PM): I just didnt want to start it.

taieee (6:19:09 PM): And its funny how it works out

taieee (6:19:21 PM): I met you when i started

kailinjanelle (6:19:41 PM): and in not wanting to, you didnt know. there are so many places to start. you didnt know every place

taieee (6:19:57 PM): But i didnt have to.

taieee (6:20:07 PM): Because each path leads to the same ending

taieee (6:20:24 PM): its what you choose to do that makes the difference

kailinjanelle (6:20:42 PM): but different obstacles are along each path

kailinjanelle (6:20:46 PM): no path is the same

kailinjanelle (6:20:58 PM): some are afraid of those obstacles

kailinjanelle (6:21:05 PM): and stop at the sight

taieee (6:21:11 PM): others get up

taieee (6:21:14 PM): and keep going

taieee (6:21:37 PM): My answer is the one that i found in you

taieee (6:21:43 PM): past love

taieee (6:22:05 PM): that ability to hop over the obstacle and get up like nothing happened

taieee (6:22:16 PM): Im no leader, but i know what im seeing

kailinjanelle (6:22:16 PM): to simply brush it away

taieee (6:22:32 PM): look at us

taieee (6:22:36 PM): ahaha

taieee (6:22:46 PM): this is the first time i ever really talked to someone like this, ever

taieee (6:22:51 PM): im use to talking to myself in the shower

taieee (6:22:57 PM): i like this.

taieee (6:23:05 PM): You talk back and for me

taieee (6:23:51 PM): In the end katie, wether i talk to her or not, its going to end the same way.

taieee (6:24:10 PM): Im just choosing to tell her

kailinjanelle (6:24:25 PM): endings can change tai, nothing is the way it seems

kailinjanelle (6:24:28 PM): think about this

kailinjanelle (6:24:42 PM): your telling her everything but your telling her nothing

kailinjanelle (6:24:54 PM): because nothing is everything and everything is nothing

kailinjanelle (6:25:13 PM): opposites

taieee (6:25:45 PM): But think of it like this

taieee (6:25:53 PM): Endings are fated from the beggining

taieee (6:26:12 PM): and even if it seems to be changing its in fact predestined already there

taieee (6:26:20 PM): So what is going to happen already has in a sense

taieee (6:26:42 PM): so in a way i have talked to her

taieee (6:26:51 PM): and it is going away

taieee (6:27:00 PM): and in the same sense im going too.

taieee (6:27:15 PM): just a thought

taieee (6:27:32 PM): or maybe the change is in the lack of change

taieee (6:27:50 PM): the in ability to do something is where it change

taieee (6:27:57 PM): i find that weakness

taieee (6:28:05 PM): inability*

taieee (6:28:29 PM): I beleive in action rather than words

taieee (6:28:58 PM): words don't walk around and give people hugs

taieee (6:29:07 PM): and the sure as hell never come out of me right