Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The New Year,
I could feel it seeping back in through my skull. Deepening the void i call my emotions, feelings, hopes and dreams. slowly overtaking my motor skills and inhibiting any progress i was making. The blunt cold only agitated the feeling. The ball dropped...10, I stepped outside and felt a sprinkle....9, the air grew darker the stars shined brighter...8, the sounds inside the house grew louder in anticipation of the next number....7, I could no longer feel myself, the outside air deadened any physical feeling i had....6, My mind went on a spree, i couldn't control my thoughts anymore, everything i hid was coming out....5, The sounds inside the house were hushed under the chaos within my head.....4, I thought of you... and you, i gave up....3, the rain started to pour and i caught every drop....2, my inability to even forgive myself sprang forth.....1, The realization that i hate everything that i am was my last though.....2011.
An unknown hand pushed me back in to existence, into the reality that i have accepted as my purgatory. I started the new year alone, in that moment, both physically and emotionally. It was pleasant, yet pathetic. People and their pointless New years resolutions, why do you need to set so many goals on this date, Dec31-Jan1 is just a normal day. I've had mine long before this day, and i still feel like i haven't accomplished anything. Each step last year feels like a step back. Some people see me as this person of worth, when i can't even look in the mirror and say my name with a smile.
Apathy, Envy, Anger, Pulchritude, invade my mind, i see beauty, yet i see hate and the scars humanity leaves on our generations to further our self degrading ways and "acceptances" of these different forms of "fun". I have succumb to these like every other person, what makes me any different than any of you?
People claim to me that im this guy, or good like this person, Why can't i see it. I hate writing anywhere really, i hate talking about my feelings with people, because i hate burdening people with nonsense. Distance, I'll continue that.
For the past few days my mind has been in too much turmoil, and i don't know what to do with it all.
Ill finish writing my pointless thoughts up later maybe.. i can still barely think
An unknown hand pushed me back in to existence, into the reality that i have accepted as my purgatory. I started the new year alone, in that moment, both physically and emotionally. It was pleasant, yet pathetic. People and their pointless New years resolutions, why do you need to set so many goals on this date, Dec31-Jan1 is just a normal day. I've had mine long before this day, and i still feel like i haven't accomplished anything. Each step last year feels like a step back. Some people see me as this person of worth, when i can't even look in the mirror and say my name with a smile.
Apathy, Envy, Anger, Pulchritude, invade my mind, i see beauty, yet i see hate and the scars humanity leaves on our generations to further our self degrading ways and "acceptances" of these different forms of "fun". I have succumb to these like every other person, what makes me any different than any of you?
People claim to me that im this guy, or good like this person, Why can't i see it. I hate writing anywhere really, i hate talking about my feelings with people, because i hate burdening people with nonsense. Distance, I'll continue that.
For the past few days my mind has been in too much turmoil, and i don't know what to do with it all.
Ill finish writing my pointless thoughts up later maybe.. i can still barely think
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